she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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