All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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