Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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