Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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