We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
