Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
