Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
