I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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