So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
