you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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