i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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