I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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