This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You can't special order awesome
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
