at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
