my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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