Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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