I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
