I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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