She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
