There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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