So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
