He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
