Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
