remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
