I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
