why didn't you poke me back
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
