i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
