The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
