Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
