i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
