Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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