I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
