My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
