It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
try to milk me bitch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
