my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
