I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
