After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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