Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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