Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
