I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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