Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
