the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
