I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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