I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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