Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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