It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
