hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
