i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
