Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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