These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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