I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
