Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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