Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
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Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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