You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
