when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
