i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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