Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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