I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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