he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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