I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
