Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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