Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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