Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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