i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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