i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
