Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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