i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
