On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
