just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
