that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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