Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
