i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
