My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
