he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
