I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
