I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
