so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
