He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
