so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
