just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
