Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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