New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
