I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
